Sometimes I feel like life is a blur. Things go on around me but on days like these I have to stop and ponder and think about why I am really here and what my purpose is here in this crazy world. I was sitting in Florence a month or so ago and i wrote this journal entry. I want you to read it, here it is:
November 12 2008
Last night I could not fall asleep! These past few nights my thoughts have been keeping me awake. I have been thinking a lot about what's going to happen when I get home..I know i really need to apply for college and get a job and all the things like that. It's so weird that reality is going to set back in in less than what? 2 days?!..I can't believe it! This little vacation for the past two and a half months has really been very important to me. Even though it's gone by super fast! I know i will never forget it! I'm sure I'll be telling my children and grandchildren about this experience! It has helped me mature in a way i never thought was possible! My eyes have been open to what else is out there. I now know that the world has endless possibilities! I can't wait to travel more. I love experiencing culture and meeting new people and learning their views on the world or on various subjects. It's been really amazing for me to think that there are SO many people out there in this world and God knows every single one of them! When it all boils down at the end of the day each one of us wants to be noticed or complimented or even given just a simple hug or smile to know that we are loved and someone really cares. I've definitely seen and observed my fair share of people here and sometimes it racks my brain thinking about all these people. Just like me (well..not just like me..) going and doing their own agenda's and living their own life! I see homeless people, lonely people, friends, outcasts, business men, tourists, students, people waiting to be noticed, illegal immigrants, many many people that I see everyday that is crazy to me to think that there are so many more people on this earth and God knows everyone on a personal level!! I know that I am someone who loves to observe people and how they act. But I think that people really just want to be appreciated..The homeless person wants someone to appreciate them by giving them a small coin or maybe even some food. The lonely person wants someone to appreciate them by a simple smile or a hug. The friends need to be appreciated by their friends, the outcasts just want to be appreciated by anyone or anything. The business men need to be appreciated by their coworkers or their boss. The tourists need to be...I don't know what they need to be..haha! The students need to be appreciated by their parents living at home in my case half way across the world. The illegal immigrants need to be appreciated by the tourists buying their fake products. But when it all comes down to it. Everyone needs something and everyone needs someone. Everyone chooses their own life. I really believe that. Sometimes there are exceptions..but for example: there are many "gypsies" here. They go out everyday with a cup of change shaking it in peoples faces trying to get some money for food(that's what they say at least) I really think that if they really went out and tried to get a job they could. I do feel bad for them because i'm sure it's been hell for them to live like that. Having no food, no home, no warm place to sleep at night..it breaks my heart! I'm watching this man right now at this cafe I am at. He's obviously homeless..He is standing at a table "reading" a newspaper, he's fallen asleep though. Standing with his head down. I'm sure he's lived a very hard life. Especially now that it's freezing at night. Everything he owns he's wearing on his body. He smells, his beard looks like Santa's except not white and fluffy..it's dirty and matted, he looks exhausted, his hands are old and worn. His fingernails are long and brittle. He wakes up every few seconds from the people walking by him. He briefly looks down at the paper and then falls right back asleep again...Wow! I feel terrible for him! It makes me realize how much I have to be grateful for! I am in Italy for goodness sakes! Living this amazing life while I watch this old man suffer! I think i will buy him some breakfast. Ciao. Wow! I feel so good about myself right now! He started to leave and I walked up to him and said, "Scusi, posso Io compro tua un Cappuccino?" His eyes lit right up and he cheerfully said, "Si! Un cappuccino? Un Brioche?" So i went and bought it for him and it was only like 2 bucks! It amazes me that just a little act of kindness on my part could make someones day! Maybe even his week!
Sorry that was SUPER long but it's experiences like that that make me realize why I am really here and make me really stop and think how much I really have! I am so grateful to everything that I have and everyone that I have who appreciates me and loves me! Thanks for everything! I love you all!